Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
