Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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