I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
