I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
