I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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