No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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