ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize