I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
