Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
