I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
