we're blogging at a bar
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
