can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
