do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
