were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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