Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
