Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
