ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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