Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
