Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
