Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
