I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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