I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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