There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
