video games are the ultimate cock blocker
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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