you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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