Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The power of my boobs compel you
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
