Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
