A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
