I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
