I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
