i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
