First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
