Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
