Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
