Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
