how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You left your phone here
Wait...
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