So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
