I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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