I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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