I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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