Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
