i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
