I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
