Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
