Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
