PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
