just survived the first fart of the relationship.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
