I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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