Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
