singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
