You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize