the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this boner is exhausting
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
