I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
