if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
