i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
