I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
