my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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