Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
God, I missed his penis.
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