Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
