Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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