you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I could make wine with my vomit
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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