yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
