Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just invented taco cereal.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I stole a fireplace last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
