your thong is hanging out like whoa
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
