Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
