I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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