Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
