So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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