No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
