forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize