The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
