dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
